superfumeous.

something smells fishy.

i hate perfume ads. with a pungent passion.

At&tPPLE.

life's hardest questions.

starbucks coffee doesn't even need starbucks coffee.

iBuy iThis iProduct iNow iOr iElse.

who does jesus pray to?

[idea somewhat stolen from volkswagen's 'how does the man who drives the snowplow GET to the snowplow?' commercial.]

life's a BEACH (so corny, i know).

is it in you?

blondes only have more fun in lala land.

cows jumped over the moon lightyears ago.

spoof of apple's think different campaign.

lucky charms ad #9.

lucky charms ad #8.

lucky charms ad #7.

lucky charms ad #6.

lucky charms ad #5.

lucky charms ad #4.

lucky charms ad #3.

lucky charms ad #2.

lucky charms ad.

crater face acne cream.

spoons: the easiest tool since the rock.

FatADS never last.

spoonfeed yourself one saturday morning.

gold diggaaaa.

just 'cause part II.

just 'cause.

washing a pig.

get cereal. everyone else is.

black fly in your cereal.

Breakfast shouldn't be this violent.

don't shoot the astronomer.

So apparently all the zodiac signs changed the other day…some astronomer pointed out that changes in the Earth’s alignment require a shift in the dates covered by each sign.

I think the world almost ended…according to Facebook, at least. Everyone’s statuses were either condemning this “evil astronomer” to hell or expressing fuming refusal to accept their “new sign.” Not gonna lie, I was one of them. “I REFUSE Capricorn. I will always be an Aquarius. “ Yup, that was me.

But then we all realized that this change in sign thing only applies to people born after 2009. Thank god.

"visit philly" contest.

Hopefully I have more luck with this one...

stride contest.

Stride (the gum) had a contest in which you could submit a "ridiculous idea you have always wanted to do and why" in 500 words or less. I submitted six ideas.

I didn't win.

(I'm not liking this running theme I've got going here.)

Here were my submissions:

I want to float in a giant Stride bubble and ride a swirling star to Wundrafull, where all the problems are solved. I will visit the Emperor of this planet and trade him a pack of Stride for the answer to one of Earth’s many issues. Wundrafull has not encountered such a long-lasting, flavorful treat. So I will return with more Stride if the Emperor promises me the solution to a problem for every minute that Stride’s flavor lasts. Earth will have many unexplainable miracles coming its way.

I want to fly to the sun, but unlike Icarus, my wings will not melt. I will take saturate my body in a glittery lotion that protects my skin and eyes from the sun’s UV rays so that I can land on the sun. I will stand on the sun. I will take a piece of this oversized star and fly home so that I can plant the piece of sun in my backyard. I will give this flower to someone who deserves a true sunflower – a flower that does not need the sun’s rays, but shines from within.

I want to think a thought that no one has thought before I want this thought to stay a thought and I want to be the only thinker of this thought. I will write it in the sand with a stick and let the ocean wash my thought away. I will blow a bubble of gum and whisper my thought before, POP, it explodes. I want to think my thought underwater and speak it only in bubble language. I want my thought to live and breathe, but I will never let it die by writing it down it or speaking it aloud.

I want to bake cupcakes for the children of Africa who have never seen, heard of, smelled, touched, or tasted one. These cupcakes will not only taste delectable, but they will satisfy whoever eats one for three days’ worth of substantial meals. Each cupcake will be unique; one with polka dots, one with sparkles, one with zebra stripes, one that glows with the reflection of the sun. These cupcakes will induce laughter and singing and love, but most of all, they will incite a full, happy belly.

I want to carry a little tape recorder around with me and secretly tape snippets of conversations as I walk to class. I’ll cut and paste and mix and mash these snippets together so that I’m left with of a jumble of jokes and confessions and gossip and sob stories and senseless ramblings. I’ll set this jumble of words to a catchy tune and upload it to YouTube. Lady Gaga, watch out.

I want to have ultimate confidence in my physical and mental abilities. I want to see beyond my own reality. I want to say what is right in every situation. I want to know the right decision in every situation. All of these wants are inconsistent with being a human being. So I guess I’ll settle with being a good, intelligent person. Because that is all that anything can and should strive to be. That is all we need to be.

The winners?

Denise - Superior, WI: My idea, to some, may seem crazy. They may think my thinking is hazy. I'd love to count sheep. Not just in my sleep... but lying on clover and daisy. I'd line up the sheep in straight rows. Have them jump through a hoop on their toes. I'd test the old theory... "Does jumping sheep make you weary?" It's a RIDICULOUS IDEA, I know. Now why would I want to do that? Because scientists would tip me their hat.

Michael - Atlanta, GA: Every day millions of Americans go to the gym and "ride" on stationary bikes. They choose to sit inside, side by side, while being forced to watch mind numbing TV programs of the gym's choosing, like lemmings. To show how ridiculous this is, I want to "ride" on a stationary bike that has been bolted down to the back of a flat bed truck and visit every National Park in the US. If people see me, they might want to get outside, breathe some fresh air, and explore our beautiful surroundings.

Kristine - Livonia, MI: There is a professor at my college who sits, every day, in the middle of campus and plays his harmonica for hours on end. The music brings a smile to everyone's faces and a little more light into their busy days. I want to learn to play the harmonica so that I, too, can spread the simple joy of music. I plan to travel around the country and play wherever there are people who will smile more for it. If I can share even the smallest measure of happiness with them, my efforts will be worth it.

Shauna - Seal Beach, CA: I come from a town where everyone is so obsessed with impressing others that they have completely forgotten their inner silliness. The parents throw fancy dinner parties and the teens sneak out late to drink in order to "fit in." I want to remind my neighbors what real fun is, which is why it is my dream to close down my street and create a huge slip 'n slide/water park for the whole neighborhood. Everyone deserves a chance to be crazy, silly, and ridiculous like they were when they were kids!

Kathryn Maria - Laureldale, PA: The Caribbean had me at hello. Or more fittingly--"hey mon." The islands are historic treasures. But modern development is forcing people to lose the true history of these gems. That's why I need to go island-hopping dressed in full Pirate attire--teaching by telling true tales of tempestuous times past. I promise to only use my power for good, politely pillaging and plundering everywhere I go. Setting sail on this Stride-sponsored quest would charm the swashbucklin' boots off of me! Arrrr...

Julie - Mitchell, SD: I've always wanted to fly a huge kite away from city lights at night. A fierce, winged dragon, he'd be an incredible sight. I'd line him with red fiber optic light so he could easily be seen from all around as he zipped through the sky, appearing to be on quest. I giggle with insane delight as I think of the tales the sighting would create on that special night of nights. Ridiculous, I think not, as all good fables must have a beginning, and this would be mine.

Jeff - Bloomington, MN: I'd ride a unicycle through my town. Maybe even upside down... Hanging from a wire up high, Strung pole to pole, below blue skies. I'd save on gas. Save on cash. Avoid the morning mad run dash. Turned right side up, I'll pedal away... "High-five-ing" children shouting, "Hey!" I'll give a thumbs-up to pedestrians I see. They'll scratch their heads and mumble, "Gee..." "Now, why didn't I think of that?" They should know, I'm one crazy cat!

Bennett - Gainesville, FL: My dream is to go sky diving dressed in a full-body pig costume. Why, you ask? Why would a man climb to the peak of Mt. Everest? Why be the first to fly across the Pacific? Simply to accomplish what no man has ever done before; to inspire and invoke hope into the hearts of those who need it. On the day that my dream comes true, onlookers will gaze into the sky and think that anything is possible, for this will truly be the day that pigs will fly.

I wonder what CRAZY, RIDICULOUS ideas they'll come up with for their $5,000 prize money...

one sentence story contest.

Forget what/who this was for, but I didn't win.

My creative ad professor told us to "be prepared to fail." Guess this is good preparation?

Here was my submission (just one this time):

I looked out the window and tried to see the beauty in the falling snow, but all I could conjure was a cold hatred for dirty slush, burnt coffee, drudging human forms masked by bulky winter clothes, and a stifling sensation that the world had lost its magic.

Not sure who won, but congrats! (And if you're somehow reading this, I'm truly flattered.)

psc ad contest.

My mom's gym (Philly Sports Club) was having a contest for their January ad -- something that would get people to join the gym after the holidays. I submitted an idea practically every day for the month the contest ran.

I didn't win.

Here are my submissions...they don't ALL suck, but that's just my opinion (which clearly wasn't consistent with the contest judges').

Santa’s Cupid’s watching. Join now and feel in love.

Jiggle all the way? SO last season.

Get hit by more of Cupid’s arrows by being a bigger target? Fat chance.

You’ve got the holiday celebrations under your belt. Now shake ‘em out.

Hi. This is your New Year’s Resolution to join the gym. Stop ignoring me!

Join the gym. All the kids at the Jersey Shore are doing it.

Hey “Little Piggy,” go to gym after market.

We’ll trade you flab and sweat for endorphins and a great bod. Deal?

If the economy can shape up, you can too.

The winter blues are in this season. Don’t follow the fad; sweat out the SAD.

One small step to the gym. One giant leap for America’s obesity epidemic.

Your love handles don’t count as a Valentine’s date.

I wish there were way to shape up and feel good about myself. Oh wait.

Stress from holiday gifts? Joining the gym is (nonfat) cake in comparison.

Have your cake and eat it too. Join the gym, and take an extra slice.

An unaccomplished New Year’s Resolution adds about 10 pounds.

I have X-ray vision. Bulky winter clothes season only lasts so long.

Exercise: fighting post-Holiday lethargy since the invention of spandex.

Turkey-eating, check. Champagne drinking, check. Gym-joining…

Join the gym or escape to the beach? Burning calories trumps burning skin cells ANY day.

2011: The Year of the Fit & Fabulous…Don’t be left out.

2010 went to the gym and became 2011 – so slim & sleek. You can do the same.

Valentines season: chocolate will be involved. Sweat out the sweets.

Sick of Holiday family time? We don’t nag (nearly) as much.

The winner?

Come in if a noisemaker put you out of breath this New Year's.
-Thomas D., NYSC member

I tip my hat to you, Thomas D. (in a slightly-bitter-but-i-tried-so-hard-waahhh way).